Student Success Seminar Offers Amazing Insight!
by Tom Jones
As the Fall semester began, a group of highly educated and trained administrators offered a series of student success seminars promoted as “Guaranteed to Make Your English Class a Breeze!” As you can imagine, students were lined up outside the ASC to attend. The presenters were all administrators who, while they had not been in a classroom for over 10 years, had read countless blogs that contained data to back up their recommendations. The attendance at the first seminar was huge, at six people, and the presenters were already calling it a success. The moment the presenters started the room was silent and confused.
Some interesting data points from the event:
- You will be successful if you attend class
- You will be successful if you read
- You will be successful if you turn in assignments
- You will be successful if you wear clothes to class
- You will be successful if you are outgoing
- You will be successful if you register on time
- You will be successful if you keep attending class.
This clever list of tips was posted on multiple bulletin boards around the room, topped with the handy acronym:
Never before have so many administrators been excited to promote art. It was inspiring to hear that, considering current attitudes toward liberal arts education.
The seminar continued with separate presentations on each point, with a reprise presentation on “attendance.” Each included charts and graphs that proudly displayed the collected data. All of the data was, of course, obtained from the reputable educational website whatadministratorswant.com, and every chart was extremely colorful.
One student attendee, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, “This is all common sense. Why did I waste my time coming to this thing?”
Another student commented, “The graphs are cool, but what is the point of ARTWORK? All they told us is to show up to class, read, and do homework.”
The presenters handed out a satisfaction survey to all attendees to gauge their response to the presentation. After through analysis by the data team, results indicated that the data charts were the best part of the seminar. All parties were ecstatic that their data was a success and that ARTWORK would be around for years to come.
As of today, a report on ARTWORK is being drafted and committees have been formed to shepherd the program from pilot to permanent. It is hoped that the HLC will see this as the greatest assessment tool that has been developed yet.